Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Suite Life in Guangzhou Part 1: Stranded! At The Airport

Yes I came up with an actual name for the series of blog posts that I'll be writing on my time spent in China. And the first instalment of said series is named in the style of Panic! At The Disco.

Please don't judge me.

Anyways, if you're wondering why it's called the "Suite Life" (and yes, it is inspired by the Disney tv show which i miss very very much #childhoodmemories), it is because unlike most overseas trips, throughout the nine days my family and I spent in Guangzhou, we pretty much just stayed at the hotel.

No sightseeing, no shopping trips, basically just no venturing outside of the hotel whatsoever.

Again, please don't judge me.

But still, it was one of the greatest vacations I've had thus far and every night when I tucked myself in for a cozy night's slumber (it was wintertime there, BLISS!), I had to physically stop myself from grinning like an idiot because I was just so overjoyed and in disbelief of how extraordinarily blessed I am.

Very cheesy, I know. In fact, even up til now, every time I think back to all the fun I had there, I feel myself getting overwhelmed with absolute glee. With that being said, these memories are getting increasingly less vivid as time passes, which is quite sad.

Which is just as well that I'm here now to relive all those wonderful memories again, and have all of them written down and preserved forever until the end of time!

yay lol ヽ(*≧ω≦)ノ

I am planning on blogging about every single day of my ~*Suite life*~ lol, and if you're still thinking that it'll be hella boring since it's probably just about how I frolicked about in the hotel lobby and locked myself in the room watching cable tv all day long, YOU WOULD BE WRONG!

The thing is, the hotel we stayed at is actually more of a resort kinda thing. So besides the hotel accommodation, there's also a zoo, amusement park, as well as a circus, all within the resort!! Pretty freaking cool, actually.

Oh yes, there's a lot of good food too. Like, a lot. So prepare for an onslaught of food pics!

Also, we visited the same resort in two different locations within Guangzhou, so that was pretty swaggy :)

IS IT WEIRD THAT I'M GETTING LEGITIMATELY EXCITED ABOUT THE POSTS TO COME.

You don't understand though, I was really so, SO insanely happy during the entire trip. It was really some crazy fun times, I tell ya.

I'm really hella excited and I hope you are too!!

Although fair warning, this first post right here isn't gonna be super exciting or anything since it's gonna be about the flight + arrival and we hadn't really gone out and dabbled in any exciting events yet.

Unless you count getting forgotten about and stranded at the airport overnight exciting...but we'll get to that later!

Anyways...I hope you enjoy reading about it nonetheless!

WOOHOOOOOOOOO SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!

I love China yayyy~~

***
A photo posted by ★ Renae Cheng | 佳琪 (@renaecjc) on

So on 23rd December 2014 we made our way to Changi Airport (me favourite place in da world <3) for our flight which was around 9pm-ish.

Flying Singapore Airlines (BEST AIRLINE THERE IS, no question) as a nice end-of-year treat coz we usually fly budget airlines, as you may already know from reading my other travel blog posts teehee.

SIA is legitimately the greatest airline in the entire freaking planet, I love it so so much and I always have since I was just a wee little kid :'))

Speaking of kids, (awesome segue)


Here is my sister's specially prepared child meal for din-din. INCREDIBLE, isn't it?

Aside from the fact that her meal got served way earlier than the rest of the flight passengers (yes, myself included) due to it being a special order, I was also borderline SOBBING tears of envy (and hunger) because there were SO. MANY. TREATS!!!!!!!!!!!

What on earth?!?!

We got a cute lil packet of Ribena (seeing it makes me kinda sad coz i used to chug that shit all day errday when i was a kid but now i can't remember the last time i drank it ☹), nice raisins for you to munch on if you happen to like eating dehydrated grapes (and i do, teehee), muthaeffin' delicious Hello Panda chocolate filled biscuits for a sweet treat after your meal, and freaking CHEEZELS if you want a treat that's salty.

bruh.

AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET.

As soon as the air stewardess placed the tray of delectable goodness and variety down on my sister's stowaway table thing, the smell of the pasta sauce smacked me in the face and I almost passed out. Whatever magical ingredients they put in the bolognaise sauce...that stuff was LEGIT.

You can tell when a bolognaise sauce is ~*quality*~ if it contains a whole bunch of carrots, onions, tomatoes, and good, fresh MEAT for that natural added flavour.

Oh my god it smelled so good I wanted to cry :((

Also, in the top left corner there was a nice slab of chocolate mousse cake. IT'S LIKE FREAKING CHRISTMAS MORNING IN THE FORM OF AN AIRPLANE MEAL.

Too good, really. It's just too good!!

My sister let me have a taste of it and apparently there was also a layer of passionfruit puree sandwiched in between the stacks of chocolate sponge and mousse. It was really cool because you could see all the seeds and all within the mashed passionfruit, but I didn't really fancy the combo because tangy and sour flavours just don't mix well with the creaminess of chocolate. But that's just my opinion. Anyway the rest of it (especially the mousse) tasted pretty swaggy so I'm not complaining!


It took a while before my meal was served but at least I had the following to tide me over:


Fresh soya bean milk!!

I ordered it specially coz I didn't want to drink the "conventional" airplane beverages i.e orange or apple juice, and the various soft drinks haha

Not sure if I'm being biased just coz this soya bean milk was from SIA, but it was THE BOMB and I was like holy shit I think I'm in love with it.

I drank two cups in total and tragically, when I tried asking for my third cup I was told that there was none left.

:'((


Tiny baby packet of mixed nuts was also great fun for my tastebuds. My favourite are the broad beans, orange prawn crackers and green peas. So basically anything other than boring ass, basic peanuts lol. Just kidding, I love peanuts ^_^


Inflight entertainment wise, I was really craving some Hong Kong movies coz you definitely don't get that on budget airlines.

My criteria for HK flicks is:
a) must be funny
b) the more actors whom i like star in it, the better

And my faves are Bosco Wong and Alex Fong (omg SWOOOOON. they pretty much killed me when i was a young, hormone-ridden teenage girl), and Kate Tsui for da ladies~~ (Kate is literally PERFECTION, her beauty just slays omg)

Sadly none of what was on offer managed to satisfy the above criteria so I had to settle for this chick flick (ugh) called "Girls".


It was alright I guess. There were some portions in the beginning which were actually quite hilarious, but the further it dragged on the more complicating and incoherent the plot became.

It stars Fiona Sit whom I don't particularly fancy...her face just kinda has that "mean girl" vibe which I really hate. Also, it didn't help that her character was kind of superficial and bitchy. Hmm.

Oh yeah, the movie also starred Vanness Wu so that was pretty cool I guess haha. If you like F4...



FINALLY my glorious meal has arrived!

I remember the Western choice sounded hella delicious (grilled chicken with mushroom sauce, if i'm not wrong. BOTH my loves!!) but the salad that it came with contained fish so I was like, ehhhhh...

Went with the Oriental alternative which didn't sound bad at all! Deep fried pork chunks and fried rice with some yummy veg :D

Only complaints would be that the fried rice was on the plain side and almost tasted like normal cooked rice...and, in my mind I was so excited about the deep fried pork being all crispy and amazing but I didn't consider the fact that it was gonna be doused with sauce which, albeit tasting really good, made my pork chunks all soggy and actually pretty gross.

But that's on me hahaha

Overall the flavours were pretty fab and it also came with a nice salad of lettuce, chilled chicken breast meat and WOLFBERRIES!! Never really tried something like that before so it was nice. Also very refreshing!


Y'all know that I take pretty much forever to eat my food, and I really just took my time with this meal coz I wanted to savour it as much as possible and, if I finish too quickly, I might get hungry again way before we arrive at our destination.

However, the flight crew came by with these magnificent ice cream cones when I still had like, half a box of rice left lmao.

I couldn't let it melt and go to waste so I had to chomp that shit down before resuming with my main dinner...it was weird.

Anyways I know this Wall's Mag-A-Cone thing isn't even da real deal like Drumstick or Cornetto but damn son, it actually tasted pretty freaking good!

Ice cream is ice cream, man. Gotta love it *thumbs up*


Around 4+ hours later, we landed at Bai Yun Airport, Guangzhou on a fairly chilly winter night.

After clearing immigration, grabbing our baggage and all that jazz, we made our way to the arrival zone where somebody had already arranged to come pick us all up and bring us to the hotel so we could quickly check in, wash up and have a good night's sleep.

Well...I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you given the title of this blog post (and also the fact that i'd mentioned it earlier on lol) but as it turns out, the chauffeur completely forgot about us and the worst part was, we had no way of contacting the person.

We waited around for a little bit and the sense of hope sort of dwindled before we finally realised that the entire family was going to have to spend the night at the airport...

Which is all good and fun if you're at like, Changi Airport for instance (SHOUT OUT TO THE BEST AIRPORT IN THE WORLD ❤), because it's huge and clean and there's 24-hour food establishments aplenty.

I'm not saying that Bai Yun Airport is bad, in actual fact it was pretty decent.

However, there was pretty much only one eatery that was open when we were there from 1 to 6AM, the airport wasn't heated (so we were practically SHIVERING throughout the night), and they also switched off most of the lights at around 2AM in a bid to conserve electricity. While I applaud their efforts in trying to save the earth, it was pretty terrifying to wander around the huge spaces in near-complete darkness when I had to search for a toilet. Oh yes, toilets. Apparently they don't supply public restrooms with toilet paper in China, what's up with that?

Anyway.

As I mentioned, there was only one restaurant throughout the entire airport, and it was a 24-hour express noodle place. I believe they specialise in beef noodles and I gotta say, their stuff is pretty legit.


Right?? RIGHT?!!!

Nice big bowl of piping hot noodles with strips of succulent beef brisket, delightful veggies and a seriously AMAZING broth, just BURSTING with heavenly flavour and aroma.

Colour me impressed!

The bowl opposite from mine had some weird parts of the cow like the stomach lining or something (or the actual stomach itself...BLEUGH) and as much as I love me some animal meat, I honestly can't bring myself to eat the weird bits of internal organs that seem to be so popular especially in Asian cuisine. It's freaking gross, no THANK YOU. None for me, thanks.

Like forreal tho I don't get how people can munch on things like intestines and livers and freaking SWALLOW them without gagging. It's just vile.


We ordered our noodles in a set which included two bowls of the good stuff, two soft drinks, an appetiser for sharing, and two "desserts".

I was super excited about the dessert coz it looked so red and pretty. I thought it was gonna be some jelly or something, or at least some nice preserved plum (om nom nom).

Turns out their idea of dessert is just a box of cherry tomatoes. -_-

Like literally, a whole load of them. There were at least ten in each box. Oh my god I can't even right now

Raw tomatoes make me gag and they are the DEVIL in the kingdom of fruits (not even durians come anywhere close on the scale of horrendousness), so obviously I did not so much as uncover the lid which was sealing in the tiny red balls of horror.

My mum really enjoyed them though. She said they tasted superbly sweet (WHAT) and devoured the whole lot. Good for her lol

Lastly, the little box of appetiser is actually black fungus! Tossed in some yummy sauce and delectably flavourful, crunchy and chewy. Such a simple yet utterly enjoyable dish :)

I know, "fungus" sounds disgusting and unless you've tried it for yourself, you're probably thinking right now that Chinese people be cray cray. Well, may I remind you that mushrooms are too, fungi. And we all know that mushrooms are FAB.


I don't know if it was just me or the carrot slices seemed to be particularly huge lol

I think it's worth pointing out that it was so cold at the airport, the oil in the noodle soup broth started SOLIDIFYING as I was still eating it. (granted, i take like three years to finish a meal but STILL)

There were solid chunks of orange-ish hardened grease on my spoon, at the edge of the bowl, and just floating around at the surface of the soup which I was still in the process of trying to enjoy.

Oh my gosh.


As we had to stay within the airport and wait til morning arrived before making arrangements for someone to pick us up, my sis and I occupied ourselves with this Nano Block building toy which she really likes.

They're essentially like tiny versions of Legos. Pretty darn adorable! I like it coz the size allows for very intricate details and the finished product always looks hella cute.

Pictured above was the beginning stages of us trying to construct a Taiwanese landmark, the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall. There are also some sunflower seeds strewn around the place lol. We were munching on them and the sharp outer shells came in handy when we needed to rip open the plastic packaging on the blocks.

Other activities to kill our time throughout the night included visiting the convenience store multiple times and stocking up on an assortment of snacks and sweet drinks (my mum actually made friends with the cashier lady hehe she was really nice!), sprinting around and doing calisthenics in the big empty spaces which happened to be close to pitch black darkness just so I could get my heart rate up and remain unfrozen, and last but not least, reading the very lengthy but truly EPIC Gushcloud Expose post by Xiaxue, which I cleverly pre-loaded on my Macbook when I was still in Singapore.

Oh god it is now occurring to me how long ago these events took place... :\

Anywho, I guess that does it for the very first instalment in my Guangzhou posts series! This entry became way longer than I expected it to be, my goodness...

Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you next time! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! Get excited too, okay? YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Life of Crime + Meeting Night Owl Cinematics

Hello friendly bananas, here are some doodly-doos that took place two Fridays ago, when SP Open House was still going on. (not that i had anything to do with that lol)

The new Valentines Day/Chinese New Year themed Starbucks cards are so freaking gorgeous, my heart could barely contain the excitement as I stood in line waiting to make payment.


If someone got me the one with the love letter design and a big ol' red heart, I'd probably love them forever. (w0w totally not blatantly hinting at all!)


Summer's deep dish beef pie + my egg white, red pepper, mushroom and mozzarella wrap.

Starbucks food can be very sexy sometimes.


I mean, can you check out this melty, cheesy goodness?!

*tears of joy*

I thought the wrap wasn't gonna be that good due to the lack of meat (meat is everything to me, tbh) but surprisingly it was a rather spectacular taste explosion! Red peppers were big on flavour, mushrooms were really juicy, the fact that there was lots of cheese just added a thousand points to it from the very beginning, and I guess you got the egg whites taking on the role of protein.

Overall the wrap was pretty darn delicious and for $5.30, I'd say it's quite decently priced!


Summer and I were heading to the MRT station when we spotted a bunch of people roaming around with free cotton candy...and obviously I had to get in on that shit


I don't know man I'm pretty sure the free food was only meant for the secondary school leavers who were visiting the open house, but DAMN! As a fellow human being I do not feel that it is right that I should be deprived of my cotton candy needs!!

But anyways Sumz queued up for it and just before it was our turn to step right up and grab some of that free sugar fluff goodness, this random dude came up to ask us if we were secondary school students lmao.

I was panicking like a middle-aged goat about to get hurled across the field but luckily I spotted a stack of papers he was holding in his hands so I was like, "do you need us to do surveys lol" and he was like yaaaaaas.

So I grabbed the survey and began filling it out, thinking that if I did this guy a favour, maybe he wouldn't report us to the authorities for taking cotton candy that's meant for non-SP students hahahaha

Summer was just ridiculous and she filled hers out with fake info (summerlim@gmail.com LOLL) but for some reason I wrote down all my real details.

Afterwards the dude asked what year of polytechnic we were in, and at this point I was panicking so hard I'm honestly surprised (and impressed) at the fact that I didn't poop myself because I am so bad at lying!!!!!!!! Ok maybe not really lol but I suck at trying to come up with lies ON DA SPOT, ya feel me?!!

Anyways I couldn't tell him that I was already in polytechnic because Summer already told someone else from his company while we were filling out the surveys that she is a secondary school student, but then again I didn't want to say that I was a secondary school student coz I was so scared that I'd get found out!!

I actually kinda just stared at the guy's face for a couple of seconds, quietly hoping that if I don't say anything, maybe he'll just give up and move on to avoid any further awkwardness lol. But he just stared back expectantly, with no intent whatsoever of letting me off the hook, which resulted in me muttering the following words like a buffoon:

"I year 2, she not yet."

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT LOLL

Apparently all my grammar skills go right out the window when I'm in a stressful situation hahaha

But alas, the guy accepted my incoherent response and was happily on his way, leaving Sumz and I to get our free cotton candy. Hooray~!

#coolstorybro


SUCCESS!!

Although the entire situation just reminded me so much of that episode of Spongebob Squarepants where he and Patrick accidentally "steal" a balloon when it was actually Free Balloon Day and so they're under the belief that they are thieves leading a...


hence the title of this post lmao


We took our illegally obtained cotton candy (gosh how many times have i said the phrase "cotton candy in this post omg. am gonna change it to "candy floss" from now on)  and went to go watch Danielle sing for a bit.


Here's me offering "moral support" like a true friend lol. aka waving my candy floss in the air like a light stick at a concert hahaha

But forrealz tho DanDan is so majorly talented...it's kinda weird watching her perform from an audience perspective rather than listening to her sing as a friend. It's like, wow. This person is amazing and I happen to be close to her! Lol idk man.

Anyways we've been planning for the past twelve hundred years to record a cover together (where i do the rapping) (if i sing a duet with her it'll be like hearing explosive diarrhea spurts alongside the voice of an angel) (im so sorry i put that image in your head lol) but sadly our plans always fall through. Right now we're aiming to accomplish it by February so hopefully it finally comes to fruition!!

And last but not least...


After Danielle's performance Summer and her supersonic eyeballs managed to spot the people from Night Owl Cinematics making their way through the crowd.

(for those of you who aren't familiar with NOC, they make really swaggy and hilarious videos on Youtube!)

As a fangirl I was dying on the inside but tragically I'm also too wimpy to ever approach famous people to ask for a photo. Good thing Sumz was like "don't lie pls i know u want to" and together we trudged over to them, where they were then swarmed by a sizeable crowd of fans/curious onlookers.

I was trying so hard to remain calm you have no idea!!

People were going in for photos but there wasn't an obvious queue so it was hard to gauge when it was appropriate for me to pop in front of their faces and request for one myself.

They took photos with a handful of people before turning around and leaving (!!) so at this point I was like FUCK THIS SHIT (pardon my french lol) I CAME THIS CLOSE TO THEM AND IF I DON'T GET A PHOTO OUT OF THIS I AM GONNA KICK MYSELF IN THE BUTTOCKS SO HARD.

So yeah I literally squeezed through a whole bunch of sweaty teenagers and went right up to their faces and was like "Hi can I please get a picture with you guys?" and even though they were actually trying to make their way out of this increasingly hectic scene, they happily obliged!


ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ

With Ryan (Xi Kway Ong/Watermelon King), Sylvia (xiiaobitch aka MY FAVOURITE!!) and Nina!

Can I just say that they're all so adorable omg. And nice!!

I love how Ryan is so 100% normal in real life but manages to switch on the Xi Kway Ong persona in like 0.3 seconds haha. And Sylvia is just the bomb omg. If you haven't already, you need to go check out their videos coz she is a QUEEN at accents! Like literally everything, be it the Singaporean ah lian slangs, the stereotypical American bimbo, even Taiwanese accents, is ON POINT when it's coming from her. (and that's something super rare among local Youtubers, just sayin').

Also, her psychedelic hair colours always remind me of My Little Ponies, so there's that!



Twilight Sparkle, amirite?!

Saturday, 17 January 2015

About a week ago, week ago

Fuck with us and then we tweakin', ho (tweakin', ho)

I'm so sorry. I know that Vine meme is so 2014 but I just couldn't resist. Also I've been watching a lot of Vine compilations lately! They're the best lol omg Vine is great.

(Top 3 Vine crushes: Marcus Perez, Nampaikid, and ScottySire)

(Marcus Perez tho, omg. swooooonnnn~~! i swear i must've watched his beatboxing vine compilations on loop for like fourteen hundred times this past month. that boy be ridiculously talented AND cute as hell! HOT DAMN.)

But anyways, yeah. Here are some happenings which took place about a week ago, week ago last week! It was also when I first ~*officially*~ started using the spanking new phone I got for me 19th birthday, so all the pictures you're about to see in this post are taken with its swaggy 8MP camera, woohoo~!

Actually it's not even that high lol.

Lettuce proceed~~

On Thursday, I finally got to go to Sunday Folks! After sooooo long, oh my goodness.


I must say that it's a very lovely café indeed. More so than I had imagined, actually!

When I think of Sunday Folks, I think of their exotically flavoured soft serves and fluffy, freshly-made waffles. But in actual fact, they also have a highly efficient queuing system (very important considering how wildly popular they are now, especially with the hipster crowd ugh), warm and friendly service, a pretty wide array of delicious and super fancy desserts other than the signature soft serves and waffles, and the most gorgeous decor ever.

Even though it was hella crowded and noisy during my visit (there was a huge group of youths seated near us and they were just so rowdy), I really did enjoy my time there! The ambience is wonderful and everything about the café, right down to the little knick-knacks like the cool water dispenser, is close to perfection.

Waiting for the day the hype over Sunday Folks dies down so I can return without being squashed among a sea of café-hopping teenagers lol


Their desserts are really beautiful and fancy looking, omg. They even have super fancy names! All of which I've completely forgotten hahaha


Beautiful station of waffle toppings. Is that a freaking marble countertop? Good gracious me.

Besides the usual toppings of fresh cut fruits, they also offer more exotic choices such as lavender-infused konnyaku jelly, assorted flavours of mochi cubes (including matcha and chocolate), and even small fluffy pieces of soufflé cheesecake.

Forreal tho...it doesn't get much fancier than that.


Their legendary soft serves are also dispensed in front of your very eyes right out of this super swaggy metallic wall from behind the counter.

So cool and hi-tech omg...I swear whoever did the interior designing for Sunday Folks is a genius.

And also very artistic teehee


Putting some strawberries and blueberries onto their famous waffles...

Freshly prepared and lightly dusted with icing sugar! There's also a drizzle of maple syrup and chocolate fudge framing the waffles oh-so-prettily  (ノ´ヮ´)ノ*:・゚✧


Gorgeous cake displays!

All the people working there are really attentive and friendly despite how crazily hectic the environment is haha. You don't get that rushed feeling when they're serving you, unlike many food establishments when it tends to get crowded and noisy. This is something I can really appreciate!

Good service ftw *thumbs up*

And finally...


Our waffles are served~!

Sea Salt Gula Melaka for Nerissa, Roasted Pistachio for myself, Earl Grey Lavender for Vanessa.

Or, as Van calls it... Ondeh Ondeh, Peanut, and Teh Tarik lmao

I was planning on getting the Earl Grey Lavender coz earl grey is ma thang and y'all know I'm a little bit obsessed with teas, but another thing I'm kind of obsessed with is not ordering the same thing as someone else whenever I eat in a group...

I don't know lol I just feel like it's very important to achieve as much variety as possible when I'm eating out because then we all get to sample different dishes! And in the event that you and your friend both order the same thing, what if it ends up tasting absolutely horrid? Then you guys will be stuck with double the nastiness!!

These are the kinds of things I think about lol go figure


I was feeling very special because I was the only one who got a generous sprinkling of diced pistachio bits in addition to the fruits and circle of maple + chocolate syrup hahaha

*beams proudly*

I was super happy with my choice (i feel like pistachio flavoured ice creams can be a bit of a gamble; they can either taste fantastic or go terribly wrong and end up tasting like plastic) (rhyming was unintentional) (#rapgod) and my soft serve was delectably nutty and just all-out superb.

If you like strong, roasted, nutty, earthy flavours, definitely give this one a try!

I also had a taste of VanNer's soft serves (what did i say about ordering different stuff so you get a great variety to sample lol), and I can safely say that all three of the flavours we'd chosen were THE BOMB.

Neri's was smooth and creamy, balanced out nicely with the sea salt and actually very reminiscent of ondeh ondeh indeed lol. Vannvanz's was just heaven for me; it was sooooo intensely perfumed with earl grey notes my head was just swirling in amazement!! Not too sure about the lavender elements, but it's like having the perfect cup of freshly brewed earl grey tea...but instead of drinking the hot liquid, all the yummy flavours are presented in the form of an icy cold, creamy soft serve.

So...damn...good. :'))

***

Afterwards the three of us made our way to Somerset and met up with Summer. We were all going to help out with Sara's filming. Fun!!

We headed to this very cool secluded tunnel place which I think is an area often used by Mediacorp for their drama series too lol.


Cute doggie!! (no i didn't blur out the man's face haha, it was done automatically by my phone camera, idk :\)

I love dogs omg. If life were perfect, there would be a doggie cafe like, right downstairs from my house hehe


Marcus putting makeup on Summer!! Fun times~

And here's the finished product of my makeup...


waddup lol

The concept was so artistic omg I was very very excited. My sister says it kinda reminds her of Gotye in "Somebody That I Used To Know"!


You didn't have to cut me off~~

2011 memories, oh my :'))


With VanNer. Why they so cute?!


Here's a BTS (behind the scenes, not Bangtan Sonyeondan ahahaha) of my solo shot!

It was so fun omggg

Kinda funny how the makeup process took like, two hours and the actual filming only lasted about 20 minutes, but overall it was an awesome experience! (including a lot of hilarity induced from the countless number of times Van managed to frighten Marcus lmao)

I really love having people do my makeup or style my hair. I just feel so relaxed and pampered lol! And what's more, the makeup for this project was so freaking cool. I was very impressed with the quality of the facepaints haha. The colour payoff was superb!!

Except for one thing...


For some reason, all of the colours could be removed just fine, except for the yellow bits which stained my fingers lol. It looks like I just finished cooking biryani right?!!

Hence...

The Biryani Fingers was born.


It's actually quite ridiculous how much time and effort I put into creating this lmao. But yeah CAs haven't been assigned yet so I've got a lot of time on my hands. (and a lot of yellow on my fingers, apparently)

Nerissa asked why we were fingers, to which I readily supplied pictorial explanation:


(this was me doing the Hunger Games District 12 Salute, btw. or, when it comes to my stained finger situation, the Biryani Salute)

Complete with a choker for Sum, glasses for Van (although i forgot to draw the connector between your two spectacle lenses lol so sorry), and highlights for Ner's hair!

Yup, I definitely have way too much free time.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Kintsukuroi.

Disclaimer: This post is pretty heavy and delves into some dark and serious issues so...if you wanna read my usual happy and cheerful rambling instead, please scroll to the post before this and read about my 19th birthday extravaganza teehee~
***

Saw this while I was scrolling through Tumblr and I thought it was too beautiful not to be shared.


I'd never known that such a thing existed, and learning about it now makes me feel so hopeful and uplifted.

To me, my "brokenness" lies in the depression and anxiety I've struggled with in the past.

Without going into much detail,

I had a fairly abnormal childhood and upbringing.
I developed anxiety at the age of seven when I started attended primary school,
the first time I was separated from my parents to be on my own since I wasn't even fit to attend kindergarten.

Two years later in 2003, I moved to Perth to start a new life,
and I thought I'd finally be happy.
I was bullied and ostracised at school.
At home, I was overly sheltered to a point where it was unhealthy and extreme.

Moved back to Singapore in 2007, had to join Primary 6 immediately and prepare for PSLE.
Bullied by ah lians and ah bengs (gangsters, bad kids) for not fitting in.
Dumbed myself down to try and be liked.
My mother was still overprotective, if not more so than before.
I wasn't allowed to go out anywhere without her around.
No hanging out with friends.
I didn't own a phone.
PSLE was stressing me out like crazy.

In 2008 I went to a neighbourhood secondary school, aka a gangster school.
Surrounded by ah lians and ah bengs, I felt that I needed to stoop to their level in order to survive.
Started showing signs of depression at the end of 2008, but I had no idea what it was.
Brushed it off as just me "going crazy" because never in my life would I ever get depression, that's just ridiculous!
But I was so confused.
And scared.

By Secondary 2, I was the biggest ah lian ever.
I hated myself.
But at the time, I was in too deep in the act to realize it and cut it out.
For a while, I got the respect from my peers that I finally wanted.
But it was for pretending to be someone I wasn't.
I was also feared by my peers.
And I relished every bit of it.
While it lasted.
Spiralled out of control and went against my mother's overprotective ways.
Extreme angst and rebellion.
Some time mid-year, I grew tired of the act.
My depression was consuming me at alarming rates.
People started turning against me.
They showed me how they could be more wicked than me.
Bullied severely at the end of the year.
Culminated in a giant verbal attack against me while I was at a chalet with them,
they thought I was asleep but I was aware of EVERYTHING that was happening.
(kinda wish i wasn't)
Lasted for several hours all through the night.
I was so traumatised I had numerous panic attacks in my sleep for several weeks after that.
Extremely fearful of having to see them again the coming school year.
Couldn't talk to anyone because the only teacher I felt comfortable going to was also best friends with the gang of bullies.

Moved to Macau in 2010, and I thought I'd finally be happy.
Went to an international school and got bullied by rich and popular kids.
Continued to struggle with depression while living in an unfamiliar environment.

Moved back to Singapore the year after that, where I was thrust straight into Secondary 4 to prepare for the 'O' level examinations.
Everyone at my old school hated my guts for being able to "come back into the school so easily as and when I wanted".
I had to work my ass off and earn that spot back by sitting through every exam that they did.
Bullied by my old enemies and well as new people who didn't know me at all.
Got called a "slut" and accused of being "disgusting and horny around boys" even though I never had a boyfriend, never hugged or held a boy's hands in a romantic sense, never kissed, never fucked, never ANYTHING, and the only guys I talked to in school were the small handful of super close friends I had.*

*four years later, it all still rings true. i still haven't done any of that shit yet hahaha. 
meanwhile the very girls who did the name-calling and accusing are all either getting knocked up left and right or getting together with a new, random ass dude every other week...
ironic much?

Extreme stress from school work.
I also started feeling like I was discovering my true self for the first time, but I wasn't allowed to express it.
Depression worsened.
Did terribly for my 'O's.
Couldn't go to any institution except for ITE.
All my dreams went out the window.
My mother lost all hope in me.
I felt completely numb.
I broke down.

In 2013, I was in Singapore Polytechnic.
After spending an entire year to retake my exams in 2012, I was in my dream course.

But in the beginning, I still wasn't happy.

I had two major relapses of depression in 2013, but I can still safely say that it was the best year of my life so far.

Wanna know what will forever go down in my life as the worst year ever?

2009.

Aka the year I was in Secondary 2.

I didn't mention this above, but it was the year I finally learnt that I was in fact not "crazy", but diagnosed with acute depression.

I wasn't on any medication because I was deathly afraid of the side effects, and I didn't want to rely on pills to be "normal".

I lost all interest in everything that I used to like.
I hated school.
All the relationships I had with people sucked.
I couldn't sleep well.
I had no appetite.
I hated life.

It got to a point where I spent months on end thinking about suicide, ALL THE TIME.

I'm talking about nearly every waking moment, be it at school when I was supposed to be paying attention to the lessons, while I'm on public transport, while I'm staring at the television screen, as I'm lying on my bed sleepless the entire night (one of the worst parts of depression was not being able to fall asleep no matter how painfully exhausted i was, emotionally and physically. i would go up to four or five days without a wink of sleep).

I was constantly thinking about ways to end my life.

This is gonna sound laughable to you, but I went online one afternoon and searched "ways to commit suicide" and just took in all the information that was presented before me, all the way until the sun went down.

The ones which I thought about the most were jumping off a building, chugging liquids like window cleaner, Dettol, and laundry detergent, downing sleeping pills, and stepping into oncoming traffic while I was waiting for the bus to and from school.

All the above methods didn't work for me because I was either too much of a coward to go through with it, or I didn't have the necessary products.

Nevertheless, I would spent almost all of my waking hours every day either thinking about ways to kill myself, or actually acting on it but never going all the way. For example, I would sit on the floor in the toilet for almost an hour at a time with a bottle of Windex in my hand, the bottle cap unscrewed. And I would keep smelling it, and telling myself to just gulp it down if I really wanted all of this to be over.

One day, and I'll remember the day forever, I felt so numb that my brain just shut off. And my body took on a mind of it's own and wandered over to the bedroom window after lying on the bed for several hours, stiff and silent with tears spilling out of my eyes but no crying. Just tears.

I perched myself onto the cupboard below the window, slid the grills over and opened up the window as wide as it could get, and I looked down at the spot where my body would land if I were to just take one big leap from the 27th floor where I stay.

I was so out of it that I didn't even hear someone open the door and speak, only when I felt my grandmother's hands around my arm did I turn away from the window, hearing her scream for me to get down.

My family had known for a long time that something was up with me, because seemingly for no reason, I had just "stopped being happy". But that was the day we all knew something was up with me...

Over the course of 2009, and again in 2011, I would have extremely strong suicidal thoughts and on a highly regular frequency, followed by anxiety attacks that didn't last long but had a huge impact and were truly petrifying to have to go through.

My depression resurfaced in 2013, as did the anxiety which rendered me completely frozen and unable to think or just to function at all for short bursts of time.

And it didn't last in 2013, I recall having my last relapse in mid-January 2014.

All these months, I didn't want to say this out loud because I was afraid of jinxing it, but it has almost been one year since I had a (serious) bout of depression and anxiety.

But to hell with that, I'm proud of myself and I think it deserves to be shared!

I still struggle with mild anxiety almost on a day-to-day basis, and I've learned to just deal with that gnawing feeling within me that tends to intensify in varying degrees depending on what situation I'm in. Sometimes it doesn't even take that much for it to escalate to a point where I feel the need to remove myself from the situation entirely to avoid a complete nervous breakdown, but honestly I believe that I have come a really long way.

My detailing the sad and difficult stories from my past were not meant to induce sympathy, and my declaring how far I have come since then is not intended to be showing off or insinuating that I am better than anyone in any means.

I really just wanted to share my experiences.

And to let you know that nobody how shitty things may seem right now, and no matter how much you think your life has become completely hopeless, things do get better. They always do!

And I'm living, breathing proof of that.

I shouldn't even be alive...I came so, SO close to taking my own life, and for the better half of an entire year, I was convinced that there were no longer any chances of hope in my life.

And look at me now.

I now spend most of my days in sheer disbelief over how truly blessed one can be when they just give in and believe in the fact that they simply deserve all the love and happiness the world has to offer.

And I thank my lucky stars and the heavens above...that I didn't take that leap out of the window that dark and hopeless day back in 2009. If not I wouldn't have been able to experience all these amazing things that are happening to me every day in my life, and countless more unbelievable experiences to come as I continue to live my precious life.

Tying back to the topic of Kintsukuroi, I am proud and grateful for my battle scars. They were painful to go through and deal with, and they took time to heal. But each of them serve as a reminder of how far I have come, and how much stronger each ordeal has made me. They are what made me who I am today. A little bit stronger, wiser, and more resilient. A survivor.

In addition, if there's anything that I've learnt throughout all this, it's to be truly grateful and appreciative of all the good things in your life, no matter how big or small it may seem.

Growing up, I was pessimistic and constantly worrying about anything and everything. It was a terrible habit that became my lifestyle over time. And when I ran out of things to worry about, my mind would get restless and conjure up reasons from nothing at all. Ridiculous, I know. But it was a huge factor behind how I started getting anxiety and depressive symptoms.

The turning point in my life was when I started making it a habit to instead focus my mindset and energy on all the amazing things I have in life. I know the hashtag is corny and overplayed and you probably roll your eyes whenever you see it on social media (i know that i'm definitely guilty of using it A LOT), but once you truly acknowledge and believe how #blessed you are, all the worries in your life just wash away.

I also have to thank the amazing bunch of people whom I've met and surrounded myself with these past two years. The acceptance, support, and love they have given me is way beyond what I ever in this lifetime would have dreamt of having. Thank you for showing me that there are genuinely good people in this world. Friends who will stay by your side even when you're not so fun to be around. Friends who will offer you help and that extra little bit of strength whenever you're down. Friends who still love and accept you unconditionally, despite all the flaws you have, and how many times or how badly you've been broken in the past.

I love you all greatly and am so blessed and thankful for everything. You all know who you are :))

Lastly, if I were ever given a choice to turn back time and live my whole life up to this point over again, I would not change a single thing. Because every time I'd been knocked down and pushed over by the challenges presented to me, every time felt like it was the end of the road and had not a single glimmer of hope in life, every tear I shed, every ache I felt deep within my heart, lead me to this very moment.

And all the shitty, excruciatingly painful and traumatic experiences that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy in the whole wide world? Well, I'm glad I had to go through them.

Unlike the Kintsukuroi, they haven't made me more beautiful. But they sure as hell have made me a different person compared to if my life were completely smooth-sailing. Each of those experiences and hardships has changed my life and moulded me into a wiser and more resilient individual. Most importantly, it lead me to the path of being truly happy.

And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

You know how I mentioned earlier that 2013 was my best year so far?

Well...that spot has been taken over by 2014, which was just an all-round amazing year, beyond belief.

And I believe it's only going to get better :))

Sure, it's not always rainbows and sunshines. There's sure to be a ton of tricky situations and trying times, that's just life. But unlike before, when I was living life each day dreading and expecting the next negative event around the corner to come and hit me just as I was starting to be happy, as cheesy as it sounds, I'm now going to embrace every waking moment with hope and love. And in terms of the inevitable challenges in life, well. I have faith that I possess the strength to survive it all and emerge from them victorious, and it'll only serve to make me grow.

All I can do is to remind myself of just how truly blessed I am which, truth be told, isn't hard to do at all. I've living an incredibly comfortable and fortunate life with a wonderful, loving family and great friends whom I can count on. I'm lucky enough to be in my dream course studying what I love, and I look forward to going to school each day (no lie! although sometimes i do get a bit tired haha). I have everything that I could never need, and I get to have what I want. I live in a cozy home, eat delicious food all the time, get to enjoy a good sleep every night, and I am privileged enough to travel and see the world. (i'm sure that most, if not all of the above, applies to you too; more likely than not!)

With all that said, if I still weren't appreciative of all that I have in life, I'd either be blind or an absolute fool.

And thus...I am so, so eternally grateful. For everything.

Here's to an excellent 2015 ahead, and may we all remember to count our blessings! ♡


P.S -  If you're reading this and are going through some struggles and you feel like having someone to talk to, don't be shy to email me or hit me up on ask.fm if you'd prefer to remain anonymous.

I'm not a professional in any way but I'm always here to read what you've gotta say :)

Also, I may not find the right words to be able to cheer you up, but I have a folder of funny pics I got from Tumblr so there's that haha


P.P.S - Leaving this here in case any of you may need it, or knows someone who does.

Samaritans of Singapore
1800 221 4444 (suicide hotline, call them if you're in distress)
24 hours, 7 days a week

Click here for a list of international suicide hotlines.

Help is available all around you! You are never alone.

No matter how shitty your situation seems now, it will always, ALWAYS get better. I promise you. Just give the time, some time.

Sometimes it feels like it'll take a miracle, but take it from me, miracles do happen.

You are cherished and loved, don't ever forget that.

Take care, my dear readers.

And have a blessed day ❤

x